WHEN ITS OVER.

so is this what you really want to do. all these are some part of an elaborate plan of yours? what plan? what is it that you're not telling me? so you mean that it isn't enough for you to hurt me constantly when we're together. you decide to do this even when we're just friends? do you really want to push everyone away? honestly? i don't want you to do this. because its not healthy. she might have hurt you and made you upset. i know. but is this the way to go about this? i don't know. but don't do this to me. don't take it out on me. i refuse to go down like this. but are you giving me a choice? to say what i want to say? when i thought that things were going to get better for me. when i thought i wouldn't go mad or something. when i thought i was going to get on with life with a smile on my face. i guess i was too dependant on you. i know i am. i was trying not to be. but i guess i am a failure. we started out as friends. i don't see why we had to end this way. i don't want you to push me away. i don't want you to do this.

there were times where i regretted loving you. and i wondered why i was so stupid to. people say that i'm stupid to put up with you. to even continue talking to you after all that you have done. yes. i admit. there were times when i called myself stupid for the same reason. stupid for falling in love with you. stupid for even letting myself go on like this. but i don't know why. everytime i think of something like this. the regret just seems to fade away. because i choose to remember the happy times. of this friendship. how you kept me strong even when i'm falling apart. you were my pillar of strength. and you still are. but your sudden withdrawal had left me crumbling. must you really do this? should you even be doing this in the first place? i don't know. is it my place to say? i don't think so. i guess not. i don't know. but its like. throughout everything we had together. you seem to be the one who is constantly making the decisons for the both of us. does it look like i need you to make my choice for me? who i need my friends to be? what i should do. or if i should have a back up plan if you decided to make my decision for me and decide not to be my friend anymore. i don't believe in that. i though friends stick by each other? no matter what? its not like you decided to be someones friend or not. we're not in primary school anymore. you realise that? you tell me that your plan is falling into place?
fuck you.
what kind of plan do you have? i don't like the sound of this. i don't believe in this. so you're going to plan your friendship? your love life? you're screwed in the head. thats all i can say. i thought i knew you. i thought wrong. can you prove me wrong? can you prove to me that you're worth holding on for?

do you still want your hug? do you still want me to be there? because i know that thats all i can do for you right now. nothing else. i'm going to be there for you. it doesn't matter if i still love you or not. i'm not going to take what you said into cnsideration for the moment. can't you just screw the plan? can't you let God do his work and leave it all to him. why take everything into you own hands? you stupid boy.

it doesn't matter. if im breaking inside. i still love you.